Deception and Betrayal

Deception and Betrayal are horrible in their own right and worse because they start a cycle the feeds upon itself until the people involved a merely soulless husks. I have been an agent of that cycle and so has my wife. It's ugly and destructive. I may just lose my family, again, because of it. I feel that I have doomed myself never to know what it truly means to be in a healthy relationship. The messed up part is I failed to be there for her in the most critical time of her life and now I am to be punished seemingly without end due to the circumstances of what she and I have become. Perhaps this is what hell is. No redemption, no forgiveness, just falling, breaking and hurting more and more ad infinitum.