Rabbit Hole

A friend of mine who is more dear to me than he realizes once coined our inner exploration of the darker recesses of our being as "traveling down the rabbit hole". Obviously a reference to Alice in Wonderland with a bit of a scary twist. The deeper one goes the more dangerous it becomes for oneself. It's the place where we trap all of the scary and horrid things of life. At it's deeper levels possibly even lies the end of ourselves. To travel there is to risk our own sanity. I noticed I have been traveling there off and on since last year and I really don't understand why. Life is pretty good so I'm thinking mid-life mini crisis or something along those lines. My business' existence is being threatened by my inability to be social. I can't seem to find any sort of durable interest in any one thing. I seem to want to escape into other worlds via the many types media available (books, movies, games, etc.).

In spite of the negatives, I am blessed with a beautiful family! A safe home! Good friends! And income at a time where many are unfortunately without. My heart goes out to those of you who are less fortunate, I am seriously shedding tears as I think about you and your hardships :(

In conclusion of my thoughts, as you can read, it's not like I am not grateful. I can hope, at least, my self realization/gratitude helps keep me from being too pitiful. But that rabbit hole still sits there at the edges of my vision in my inner mind. Waiting... inviting... Sometimes without realizing it, I enter. I get a ways down and then wake to realize my surrounds and gradually bring myself back out. It's such a strange process of my life. This is a strange post, I know, but it captures my feeling right now so I needed to write it down.