Life will never quite be what you expect...
In fact it probably won't be anything like you expect if you are anything like me. I'm not one of those that sees or plans well when it comes to the future. So I end up getting surprised a lot. Guess you could say as a positive that it keeps life interesting. I'm in yet another rediscovery phase. I was about to say that life just seems like a chained set of periods of rediscovery. But I think I may be getting content with the fact I will never properly define life. When I was younger I used to try. I would write up these simple little meditations about it at times. I was always seeking my purpose and the meaning to life and what life was, etc. If I could talk to myself I would now tell me that all I have to do is wait a little while and pay attention to everything and I would see that it always was and is and will be right in front of me. Life is what it is as long as it will be. I have a life and that is ultimately my purpose no matter the direction I take. Life encompasses all meaning so it's kinda difficult to pigeon hole it to a particular set of principles. And the best thing to do is shrug of the bad stuff and enjoy what you have and where you have it the best you can. Unless of course being miserable is what you enjoy then of course you probably wouldn't be shrugging off much of anything. No aspersions here, just accounting for anything I say being incorrect for somebody out there.
I just finished watching the movie Up, I loved it! It's probably why I'm in the mood to write and say silly and grand things. I have to admit I cried through most of the parts about the elderly couples relationship (carl and ellie). I just could related even though I am only midway through my life and I have my wife and mother of my son. I tend to think about the future in one regard I guess. I dread what sadness will be in the future when those I love and care for are removed from it. I guess I have always been that way. There have been nights where I cry myself to sleep just thinking about missing my loved ones. It's not like I anticipate it, it's just that I have observed life has a bit of a casualty rate to it and well I really value my time with my love ones, even the mundane stuff. I don't always feel such at the moment but I gratefully have times like these were I can reflect on it. Shoot, I even love the bad parts. I had a bit of a fight with my wife this morning because I said something that pissed her off when in hindsight I should have probably kept my mouth shut. I love even that fight where we argued and cussed at each other. Because she was there, she can yell or cry, laugh or shout as long as she is there. My son even moreso, he can be spoiled and whine and make messes and poke me to no end without me ever regretting a moment of it... because he is there.
I have been losing a lot of friends lately as we come to the mid points in our lives. Mostly our paths just end up not being in the same direction anymore. Each one has kind of felt like a loss of a fammily member to me as well. I've even gone through the mourning stages of grief for a few of them. I could still see some of them even now that we don't interact anymore but I don't. I find that fascinating and strange about myself.
In a couple days time it will be the anniversary of my father in laws passing, Dec. 28. That is probably why I am so emotional and thinking a lot about loss. I loved that man dearly. I was one of those that got to be there for him when he needed someone like me most to help out. It was a rough and sad time and I just hope he could/does feel how much I loved/love him like a father as I served him in his final days.
I just finished watching the movie Up, I loved it! It's probably why I'm in the mood to write and say silly and grand things. I have to admit I cried through most of the parts about the elderly couples relationship (carl and ellie). I just could related even though I am only midway through my life and I have my wife and mother of my son. I tend to think about the future in one regard I guess. I dread what sadness will be in the future when those I love and care for are removed from it. I guess I have always been that way. There have been nights where I cry myself to sleep just thinking about missing my loved ones. It's not like I anticipate it, it's just that I have observed life has a bit of a casualty rate to it and well I really value my time with my love ones, even the mundane stuff. I don't always feel such at the moment but I gratefully have times like these were I can reflect on it. Shoot, I even love the bad parts. I had a bit of a fight with my wife this morning because I said something that pissed her off when in hindsight I should have probably kept my mouth shut. I love even that fight where we argued and cussed at each other. Because she was there, she can yell or cry, laugh or shout as long as she is there. My son even moreso, he can be spoiled and whine and make messes and poke me to no end without me ever regretting a moment of it... because he is there.
I have been losing a lot of friends lately as we come to the mid points in our lives. Mostly our paths just end up not being in the same direction anymore. Each one has kind of felt like a loss of a fammily member to me as well. I've even gone through the mourning stages of grief for a few of them. I could still see some of them even now that we don't interact anymore but I don't. I find that fascinating and strange about myself.
In a couple days time it will be the anniversary of my father in laws passing, Dec. 28. That is probably why I am so emotional and thinking a lot about loss. I loved that man dearly. I was one of those that got to be there for him when he needed someone like me most to help out. It was a rough and sad time and I just hope he could/does feel how much I loved/love him like a father as I served him in his final days.