Bound to Circumstance
A lot of the reading I've done talks about going no contact (NC) with your ex. There are added difficulties to this with children but it is recommended to limit communication to subjects related to you children then. It's tough to do. I also choose to continue to live in the same apartment with my ex and son or at least the next four months which has added difficulty. My reasoning was sound, though, and my son is the motivation.
I went through a divorce myself as a kid and I understand how difficult it can be to be a child as the world you thought you knew is torn asunder. I, as much as possible, have been doing everything I can think of to ease my son into these new changes. Thus, while he does now know we are getting a divorce, I am still here living with him and his mommy. So he can learn to cope with my eventual departure while having access to me still. I wanted to show as much support and care I could for him, to hopefully bring him to a better place than I was when I went through this. I don't want him to have the same psychological issues, or the same emotional trauma that still effects me as an adult.
Back to the NC subject, the difficulty truly lies in that my son is of the greatest priority. So I try, as much as I can, to show that mommy and daddy can get along even though they aren't in love anymore. For my sons sake. And that leads to a much slower healing position for myself. A lot of the time I feel like I'm stuck. I can't go back, obviously, but I can't move forward and heal either... Well, at least completely. And I am my own greatest saboteur as well. I pay attention to everything that goes on in my exs life, a much as reasonably possible anyway. And that is we're I really need to let go and just tell myself, "It doesn't matter" over and over until it finally is the case.
Ultimately I didn't want this path, this future, for any of us. I would have rather worked on putting things back together. I felt forced into having to let go and to proceed through the divorce. I wasn't forced, though. I had a choice... But it wasnt a good one. I could have just kept hanging on while my ex treated me like shit and while I was driven mad with pain. I could have done that, but I chose to heal. I chose to divorce her and move on. Its interesting how you can make a choice but then have to spend so much time attempting to understand and accept that choice afterward...
I went through a divorce myself as a kid and I understand how difficult it can be to be a child as the world you thought you knew is torn asunder. I, as much as possible, have been doing everything I can think of to ease my son into these new changes. Thus, while he does now know we are getting a divorce, I am still here living with him and his mommy. So he can learn to cope with my eventual departure while having access to me still. I wanted to show as much support and care I could for him, to hopefully bring him to a better place than I was when I went through this. I don't want him to have the same psychological issues, or the same emotional trauma that still effects me as an adult.
Back to the NC subject, the difficulty truly lies in that my son is of the greatest priority. So I try, as much as I can, to show that mommy and daddy can get along even though they aren't in love anymore. For my sons sake. And that leads to a much slower healing position for myself. A lot of the time I feel like I'm stuck. I can't go back, obviously, but I can't move forward and heal either... Well, at least completely. And I am my own greatest saboteur as well. I pay attention to everything that goes on in my exs life, a much as reasonably possible anyway. And that is we're I really need to let go and just tell myself, "It doesn't matter" over and over until it finally is the case.
Ultimately I didn't want this path, this future, for any of us. I would have rather worked on putting things back together. I felt forced into having to let go and to proceed through the divorce. I wasn't forced, though. I had a choice... But it wasnt a good one. I could have just kept hanging on while my ex treated me like shit and while I was driven mad with pain. I could have done that, but I chose to heal. I chose to divorce her and move on. Its interesting how you can make a choice but then have to spend so much time attempting to understand and accept that choice afterward...
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