The road not traveled
I spent the better part of today with friends that I was close to once and lost track of for the last three years. I became close to them the last time my soon to be ex risked the death of our relationship. When I had the option of getting back together and chose to do so, I chose as well to lose spending the time I was with these friends. I had to put so much effort into my marriage and family to give it the attention it deserved I could not do else. I wonder if that really was the case. Yes I have a young child which means there is a lot of time gone right there (and every minute is worth it I might add). But the other one took a lot of time to, she was selfish for my time and resources. I just gave up having friends in order to not 'rock the boat' with what I hoped to be my future with her and my son. I won't say I regret getting back with her. It was the right choice. But I do lament that the close friendship I had fell by the wayside.
Seeing them tonight gave me some hope that I can rekindle that to a small degree. I will be cautious only because I don't want to betray them in my offering of my time to them as I had to do that too them before. But I am hopeful for certain. And the amazing part about them, they welcomed me with open arms like I was the prodigal son. We just click and have fun together. I care about them and they care right back. I told them about the divorce. I didn't want to, it's such burdening information, but they asked how things were and I don't like to act like things are ok when they are not. And they were 100% supportive, as if 3 years had not past and we were doing this before. I tried to reassure them though this time I was doing fine, I am, and that I was happy to have some more free time so I could hopefully see them more than I have in the past years. So another positive of being free of this relationship. Being free to have friends again and rekindling lost, or at least dusty, relationships with friends. I love you, my friends, for being so understanding. I feel like a jerk for not keeping you better. I will try harder not to be a fair-weather friend or so whipped as to forsake any friendship in my future efforts to find the person I will be spending the rest of my life with (if she exists)...
Seeing them tonight gave me some hope that I can rekindle that to a small degree. I will be cautious only because I don't want to betray them in my offering of my time to them as I had to do that too them before. But I am hopeful for certain. And the amazing part about them, they welcomed me with open arms like I was the prodigal son. We just click and have fun together. I care about them and they care right back. I told them about the divorce. I didn't want to, it's such burdening information, but they asked how things were and I don't like to act like things are ok when they are not. And they were 100% supportive, as if 3 years had not past and we were doing this before. I tried to reassure them though this time I was doing fine, I am, and that I was happy to have some more free time so I could hopefully see them more than I have in the past years. So another positive of being free of this relationship. Being free to have friends again and rekindling lost, or at least dusty, relationships with friends. I love you, my friends, for being so understanding. I feel like a jerk for not keeping you better. I will try harder not to be a fair-weather friend or so whipped as to forsake any friendship in my future efforts to find the person I will be spending the rest of my life with (if she exists)...
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