Reflux

I think the worst part of the emotional damage is how extreme all of you emotions are. I get so happy that I get to be free of her prison and then so sad because it wasnt really a prison. I stayed with her willingly and would be sorely tempted to do so again if she changed her mind about us. Then anger because why would she do this? Why leave me for another man, I'm a good guy! I never hurt her, I showed her respect and love as much as possible. I gave her whatever she wanted. I loved her to no end. At least I keep telling myself that but I think still I loved the idea of her as well. And that is dangerous, it is were I think I did fail her, if I was satisfied with the idea of her then I would fail to see if I was doing enough to actual satisfy her. And obviously I wasn't. Then there is envy, she gives some strange man that she knew from 20 years ago what I craved for years and never got, an open doorway to her heart. Then the rage at the injustice of it all. She gets to have what she wants and toss me aside. Then despair, at what we will be putting our son through because of this. Then it all cycles again, same emotions, same reasons and sometimes additional reasons. Its so frustrating it makes want to claw at my skin to get out of it sometimes. I want to explode and implode at the same time. But I feel it all, and work through it and try to keep telling myself, it doesn't matter. Because I will heal and have a brighter future for it. And my son will be ok, yes there will be challenges, and they will lead to his own greater understanding and healing that in turn will hopefully end up being a better life for him as well. Instead of how things are now with his two relatiionship role models failing to show him how a relationship should be...