Some things can't be fixed
Its been a little while. Things have took a drastic turn since my last post. I am divorcing my wife. Well I am divorcing the woman that was my wife at one time. The woman that I see now isn't her. But I digress, let me bring this sad tale up to current. We got into a small argument on Saturday, I can't even remember the details other than the feeling I had. I was done with trying, I gave up on hope for rehabilitation. And I started separating our lives. It didn't phase my soon to be ex one bit. She wants this too. I was hoping it could be a big warning for her, but it wasn't it was a relief. That hurt a little.
So Saturday was separation day, separating finances, bills, etc. Sunday was more of the same though I got to spend time with my kid which is the best thing about life right now. Monday I met with a lawyer and he gave me some good detail on what I need to do. My son got to spend the night again as well. Tuesday was the last day at the hotel. I was happy for today, Wednesday, to happen so it went by pretty fast. Things are getting better every day by the way. I have let go of hope of this working so I have become free to let go of most of the pain and chaotic emotions. It's still there and I have to turn to others such as my amazing mother for help but it's better. I understand divorce,now not as a punishment for failure but, as a release to a new life. And it will be a death to this twisted ugly broken relationship. I am just looking forward to that day at this point. I will have to tough it out at home with my soon to be ex wife the stranger until then.
It's been a little rocky emotionally on this first day back. Especially when she worriedly asked me if I have had any violent thoughts about her lately. That hurt. I haven't ever raised a hand to her and never would. I used to watch my dad beat my mom, the hell I will ever be like that. I feel bad when I swear at her. It's so sad that I feel like the villain, my wife cheated on me, wants to be with that failure of a man and wants me out of her life but I'm the bad guy. Fantastically tradgic. Oh well I don't have to be with her anymore. Well in about 4 to 6 months I won't anyway. And my eyes are on the prize, freedom from her frosty cruel ways is just around the bend...
So Saturday was separation day, separating finances, bills, etc. Sunday was more of the same though I got to spend time with my kid which is the best thing about life right now. Monday I met with a lawyer and he gave me some good detail on what I need to do. My son got to spend the night again as well. Tuesday was the last day at the hotel. I was happy for today, Wednesday, to happen so it went by pretty fast. Things are getting better every day by the way. I have let go of hope of this working so I have become free to let go of most of the pain and chaotic emotions. It's still there and I have to turn to others such as my amazing mother for help but it's better. I understand divorce,now not as a punishment for failure but, as a release to a new life. And it will be a death to this twisted ugly broken relationship. I am just looking forward to that day at this point. I will have to tough it out at home with my soon to be ex wife the stranger until then.
It's been a little rocky emotionally on this first day back. Especially when she worriedly asked me if I have had any violent thoughts about her lately. That hurt. I haven't ever raised a hand to her and never would. I used to watch my dad beat my mom, the hell I will ever be like that. I feel bad when I swear at her. It's so sad that I feel like the villain, my wife cheated on me, wants to be with that failure of a man and wants me out of her life but I'm the bad guy. Fantastically tradgic. Oh well I don't have to be with her anymore. Well in about 4 to 6 months I won't anyway. And my eyes are on the prize, freedom from her frosty cruel ways is just around the bend...
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