Dropping Sands

Time is your enemy when you are hurt. The pain is prolonged, as if time was a torturer. Every new moment brings uncertainty and chaos. Can we survive this? Does my wife want me any more? Will she ever stop ending up in these cycles of betrayal and deception? Am I sane to love her and fight for her even when she hurts me? Why can't I reach her soul? Why does she persist about being pessimistic about our recovery? As if she expects us to fail.

I hate the powerlessness of it all. I can't change anything, I don't even have control over my emotions. I'm so fraud of making the wrong choice with what actions I can take that I paralyze myself. Ll I want is my wife back, is that really to much to ask? I can't even turn to god anymore because I question what faith I had. I am alone even though people surround me. I want to talk to someone so bad, to connect with them. And yet I'm holding on because I don't want to be without the chance to see my family healthily again and if I leave that would be like giving up on them. Giving up on my son and wife? I would rather not.