16 days
Only 16 days from my last post. That was a lifetime ago it seems to me. At that point I was still hopefully trying to make things work with my wife. At that point I was blind to her manipulation and general disregard for my well-being. After all I disregarded my own well-being so why should she do anything different? That's changed, I value myself and my health a little bit more now. She and I are getting a divorce. We are becoming another statistic supporting the growing rate of divorce in the US. Great...
As you can tell there is some bitterness there. Even though I am the one who is going through all the paperwork and everything I would have given anything for it to work out. She flat out told me she was sure it wasn't going to work out and that she didn't love me anymore. Then she asked me for my help, and though it was an email I felt it like she slapped me in the face.
I feel cast aside, used and in general I know what a doormat feels like. That is how I have been treated for months by her while I was trying invite her to work on us again and help put us back together. Don't get me wrong I have my faults in this. I didn't pay attention until it was too late for starters. I was having my own problems last year that pretty much made it really difficult to pay attention but doesn't excuse me from the consequences. And then my wife started cheating on me with guys over the internet and via cell phone. So, with all the newness of puppy love from a series of guys as gullible as I once was, why would she want to climb the mountain of problems and emotion for us to be 'together' again?
I'm fairly practical and I can see many her motivations in this situation, so I guess I understand. That doesn't mean I like it or am not pissed off at her. I am. But that's ok, at this point I want nothing to do with her directly and in time I will work out the den of poisonous snakes that is my emotions. Plus I have my son to think about and as far as our former family unit is concerned he is all that matters, besides myself, now...
As you can tell there is some bitterness there. Even though I am the one who is going through all the paperwork and everything I would have given anything for it to work out. She flat out told me she was sure it wasn't going to work out and that she didn't love me anymore. Then she asked me for my help, and though it was an email I felt it like she slapped me in the face.
I feel cast aside, used and in general I know what a doormat feels like. That is how I have been treated for months by her while I was trying invite her to work on us again and help put us back together. Don't get me wrong I have my faults in this. I didn't pay attention until it was too late for starters. I was having my own problems last year that pretty much made it really difficult to pay attention but doesn't excuse me from the consequences. And then my wife started cheating on me with guys over the internet and via cell phone. So, with all the newness of puppy love from a series of guys as gullible as I once was, why would she want to climb the mountain of problems and emotion for us to be 'together' again?
I'm fairly practical and I can see many her motivations in this situation, so I guess I understand. That doesn't mean I like it or am not pissed off at her. I am. But that's ok, at this point I want nothing to do with her directly and in time I will work out the den of poisonous snakes that is my emotions. Plus I have my son to think about and as far as our former family unit is concerned he is all that matters, besides myself, now...
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