Progress, I think...
Today is my son's third birthday. Happy Birthday Buddy! I'm thousands of miles away but I'm thinking about you every minute. I hope you and momma have a great day!
On the personal front... I watched the movie Fireproof last night and I cried so much. Personality-wise I am both the wife and husband from that movie. But I made a decision like the husband did. Despite of what my wife does or how she acts I'm going to work at acting out my love her. I sent her a few text messages just complementing her. I got the last twenty dollars I have and put it in her account. And otherwise I am gonna try to give her the space she wants and not try to get anything emotion/attention-wise from her. I feel defeated in a way. I really don't know if she will ever be my wife in more than name again. She once said that she cut herself off from her first husband, like she has done with me, after he messed up and never opened herself up again. He spent two years trying. I'm afraid of that honestly. But I'm going to rely on God. And trust in him to confirm or counsel against my actions with her. All I know is I love her and my son and want to be with my family. I feel a sort of peaceful sorrow about it all. I feel so much regret for not working harder to let her know how much I love her when I had the chance.
Regret...
You slip through my hands like the sands of a beach,
I didn't listen to God or you in your effort to teach.
I look back and regret it now, I sorrow at my folly,
When right now were things different we may be jolly.
I pray there is yet time, after all I am still here,
I was empty of love and full of fear.
I must work hard to accept Gods love to fill,
My heart and soul that I once again have my will.
I choose to love when I have nothing at all,
I choose to give until I can do not but fall.
I make this choose knowing I may lose every thing,
I honor you even if you return it not, I wear your ring.
I hope with all hope I am not too late,
God has his plan but he let's us choose our fate.
I choose you and gladly I face the dark,
You are part of my soul, you have left your mark.
I love you greatly and I burn with a sorrow,
That I would not show you a kindness today to save it for the morrow.
I hang my head in shame and seek your grace,
That I may be truly forgiven and some day see again your lovely face.
On the personal front... I watched the movie Fireproof last night and I cried so much. Personality-wise I am both the wife and husband from that movie. But I made a decision like the husband did. Despite of what my wife does or how she acts I'm going to work at acting out my love her. I sent her a few text messages just complementing her. I got the last twenty dollars I have and put it in her account. And otherwise I am gonna try to give her the space she wants and not try to get anything emotion/attention-wise from her. I feel defeated in a way. I really don't know if she will ever be my wife in more than name again. She once said that she cut herself off from her first husband, like she has done with me, after he messed up and never opened herself up again. He spent two years trying. I'm afraid of that honestly. But I'm going to rely on God. And trust in him to confirm or counsel against my actions with her. All I know is I love her and my son and want to be with my family. I feel a sort of peaceful sorrow about it all. I feel so much regret for not working harder to let her know how much I love her when I had the chance.
Regret...
You slip through my hands like the sands of a beach,
I didn't listen to God or you in your effort to teach.
I look back and regret it now, I sorrow at my folly,
When right now were things different we may be jolly.
I pray there is yet time, after all I am still here,
I was empty of love and full of fear.
I must work hard to accept Gods love to fill,
My heart and soul that I once again have my will.
I choose to love when I have nothing at all,
I choose to give until I can do not but fall.
I make this choose knowing I may lose every thing,
I honor you even if you return it not, I wear your ring.
I hope with all hope I am not too late,
God has his plan but he let's us choose our fate.
I choose you and gladly I face the dark,
You are part of my soul, you have left your mark.
I love you greatly and I burn with a sorrow,
That I would not show you a kindness today to save it for the morrow.
I hang my head in shame and seek your grace,
That I may be truly forgiven and some day see again your lovely face.
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